Last week I asked you to think about your definition of “ASSERTIVENESS”. Compare your definition with this:
“standing up for your own rights, wants and needs without violating the rights, wants and needs of others”
It’s a strong definition isn’t it? Because ASSERTIVENESS is strong. It is powerful in its ability to foster mutual respect and, per last week’s ABC Model, it is the very best Behaviour choice in challenging situations when you are Antagonised ensuring a more positive Consequence.
Breaking down ASSERTIVENESS into the 3Vs of communication – Verbal, Vocal and Visual – is a fantastic way of honing in on the intricacies of applying assertive communication. Consider the following:
ASSERTIVE VERBAL
Open and honest
Succinct and to the point
Uses “I” statements
Shares your feelings (we are emotive creatures and need to let colleagues know how we feel!)
Acknowledges your own rights, wants and needs
Asks question of others to find out their wants and needs
Focuses on problem solving and the future
ASSERTIVE VOCAL
Pays attention to the timing of your speech. Puts forward your own view whilst allowing others to have their say
Uses a relaxed, steady and firm voice
Ensures your breathing is evenly paced
Places an emphasis on key words
Uses pauses (maybe slightly longer than you would naturally)
ASSERTIVE VISUAL
Maintains gentle, direct and relaxed eye contact – where possible at the same eye level
Relaxed, upright and balanced posture
Uses balanced and open body gestures
Open, pleasant and relaxed facial expressions
Would you add anything to these?
